So today was a bad day.
Every so often the damn breaks and all the grief, and loss, and bitterness must flow.
And I let it.
Because most days it stays nicely pushed back, and most days I go on as if life is only slightly off center from normal. Most days the people who know me, pat me on the back and tell me they don’t know how I do it, and how amazing I am, and how they are in awe of how good the girls and I are.
Today the damn broke. Broken unknowingly by someone who didn’t mean to. Someone I asked for help from, but who could not do what I needed them to do. It was not their fault, neither of us knew the crack was sitting there silently waiting to be broken wide open. I should have suspected. I’ve been stressed and short tempered and moody lately. I didn’t know why, I just was. I think I get it now.
The most surprising thing I guess really is the thing that broke it open. People not really being there for you when they are always saying – just tell them if there is anything you can do. It shouldn’t have been a big deal. People have their own lives, it’s a holiday week, I asked sort of last minute – but there it was. I hate asking for help, and I brought myself to do it and then walked away empty handed – it overwhelmed me.
And then I hated being overwhelmed.
But I decided if the damn was broken I was going to let it flow. I wallowed in it for a good four or five hours. Wallowed.
And god bless ’em the girls they just went out and played. That’s what we do. We acknowledge when one of is having that kind of day or mood and we let them. We don’t tell them to stop. But we also don’t let it go on. We let it run it’s course and then we move on.
So that was today.
Tomorrow will be better.